


Beer

by cirquedukink



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Genre: But only a little, M/M, Season 12 spoilers, drunk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 08:00:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9312599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cirquedukink/pseuds/cirquedukink
Summary: So I found a list of things people have used in ff as lube and it is horrendous. So on tumblr I had people send my things you shouldn't use as lube and characters and here we are.





	

They were getting drunk and Dennis was starting to feel it hit him. He just couldn't get his encounter with Abigail out of his mind. He couldn't believe he'd been scammed like that and he needed to relax. 

When they had gotten back to Dee's they had started pounding back their own bottles of various liquor. He didn't even know where Dee or even Old Man were now, the only one with him at this point was Mac. But Mac had been in such a good mood after the water park that it was pissing him off too. 

But that didn't matter. All he could think about now was Abigail, but he was so close to being gone he just needed another drink. 

"H-hey Den," Mac was trying to say, and was now leaning towards him. 

Dennis blinked and made a noise to acknowledge him. 

"Dennis, I think I'm gay," he said and slumped his shoulders. 

"No shit," Dennis retorted and took another long gulp of liquor. He closed his eyes and rubbed them hard with the palms of his hands. He couldn't get that goddamned genius girl out of his head. How could he drop his guard enough that this little girl would get all of their stolen goods? He let out a sigh and opened his eyes again. It took him a minute to realize that Mac was a lot closer than he had been. He looked over and Mac was chugging his drink. 

Mac burped loudly then covered his mouth as if he was about to vomit. Dennis shook his head and rolled his eyes as he started chugging too. Maybe that'd help him forget today. 

"Hey, why do you think I'm gay?"

He couldn't believe they were still talking about this, but at least it was distracting him from Abigail. "Well," he let out another sigh and tried to remain calm, "because you are. We've all known for a while now... You've just seemed to have been having a hard time accepting it, even though nobody cares. Except you that is. Honestly, why can you just not stay out because quite frankly we're all tired of this back and forth bullshit." 

Mac bit his lip while staring at Dennis, listening to his rant. Dennis rolled his eyes and realized just how t ired of this he was. "You know what," he said flinging his hands up, "screw it! You know how I know you're gay?!"

"How?" Mac asked. 

"Because of this!" He got on his knees to turn towards Mac and grabbed his face roughly. He kissed him hard and thoroughly for a few minutes before pulling back and grabbed his alcohol to take another large gulp. When he looked back Mac had a dazed look on his face as he stared at Dennis. "You see?" Dennis said as if it hadn't affected him at all. 

"Oh," was all Mac could say. 

Dennis, starting to feel his anger rise, was about to say something when he was suddenly cut off. Mac had grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him forward to kiss him again. Dennis was surprised for a second but decided to see where this would go. 

Admittedly, Dennis zoned out until he felt Mac's clothed crotch rub against his own. He realized that he was laying back, Mac on top of him and grinding up against him while they kissed feverishly. Dennis ran his hand up Mac's stomach, taking his shirt off as he did. He noted that it felt like Mac had actually been working out nowadays. Then he worked on the others pants, coaxing them off rather easily and noticed Mac's lack of underwear. But, in the end, this position wasn't working for him. 

He pushed Mac back, which took him by surprise, and he pushed Mac onto his back and straddled him. He took his own shirt off and stood up momentarily to take his pants and underwear off. He put three of his fingers in macs mouth and told him to suck. The obedient behavior mixed with the sensation of Mac sucking his fingers as he tried to start grinding against Dennis again sent a shiver down his spine and right through his cock. He took his fingers out of Mac's mouth and bent over to kiss him again as he started fingering himself. 

He felt Mac hesitantly reach for Dennis' dick, hand wrapping loosely around it at first. Dennis let out a breathy moan as Mac began to pump his hand after taking a firmer grip. 

"Fuck," Dennis said as he took in the sensations going on, his head resting on Mac's shoulder. "We need some lube, this isn't going to work if-"

"Don't worry, I got something," Mac said and Dennis could feel him shifting as he reached for something. 

He heard Mac slicked my his dick up with something while he was panting into Mac's shoulder while he made sure he was nice and stretched. He sat up straight when he felt Mac's slick hand come to rest on his hip. He took a deep breath as Mac rubbed his slick dick against the cleft of his ass. He lined himself up and slowly took Mac's cock in his ass. 

"You mother fucker!" Dennis yelled, "What did you use, your alcohol?!" He winced severely as he slowly adjusted to the feeling, nails digging hard into Mac's sides. 

"Ow! Calm down, yeah I used beer dude."

Dennis sputtered for a minute, trying to remain as calm as he could so he didn't hurt himself. "Why the fuck would you use beer!" 

"I don't know, because it was the only thing we have that's like lube here?" Mac said in a breathy voice. Dennis had started squirming on top of him and it just felt so so good. 

"Well you better be glad I'm super horny," Dennis said as he started moving, "because otherwise I'd make you get out." Mac's hands had made their way to Dennis' hips and Dennis now had his hands on Mac's shoulders, thumbs at the base of his throat. 

They moved slowly at first but once Dennis got used to the feeling he started moving faster. He felt satisfaction as he smugly watch Mac's face fall into a mask of ecstasy. He moved his hands as he leaned over to bite down hard on Mac's neck. Mac let out a yelp and moaned loudly when Dennis sucked the spot. 

Dennis knew he had the upper hand until suddenly Mac planted his feet and gripped Dennis' hips tightly. Mac started to thrust forcefully, meeting Dennis' every movement. That's when Mac hit Dennis' prostate and he momentarily could do nothing but slump over and moan loudly as pleasure rang through his body. 

When he composed himself he realized Mac had stopped moving and was staring up at him, eyes wide and mouth slightly open. Before Dennis could say anything though, Mac had thrusted up and hit the same spot, eliciting the same reaction. 

"Mac don't-" was all Dennis could get out before Mac was rapidly repeating the action until Dennis was a total mess. All he could do at this point was hold onto the other and hope he could cause him some pain until this pleasurable hell was over. 

He tried to take back control of the situation but before he knew it he was coming all over their stomachs and his body was turning to jelly as Mac soon followed him and came in Dennis' ass. 

They were both breathing heavily as Mac rolled Dennis off of him. They lay side by side as Dennis asked, "Dude I don't care, beer is not a suitable lubricant, and if you ever try that again I will hurt you."

"You still seemed like you had a good time... but uh, I think you were right. I definitely am gay," Mac said as he looked at Dennis. 

Dennis rolled his eyes as he rolled over and tried to go to sleep, too exhausted to clean himself up.


End file.
